3 am epiphanies and mostly love....

so i slept from 11 - 2:30, and i'm irritated at the question of why this week has insomnia once again entered my life, and on the nights that Maive sleeps pretty much the whole time, and then on the nights I'm out for the count she wakes up ever 3 hours?

But mostly i've been thinking of Aidan and all the things I do love about him, and the wish that others could see the same, and love him as much as I do in all my mother love, that love that "only a mother could give."

I love when we're driving down the road and we come to a hill and start declining down. Aidan throws those hands up in the air and says "weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" very highly pitched I might add, and the view in the mirror makes me grin ear to ear.

I love how when Aiva leaves the room to go retrieve something, Aidan jumps up and runs over to here baby doll, readjusts the blanket to make her more comfortable and kisses her forehead and then runs back his former spot and resumes his tractors mission, all while not even acknowledging i'm in the room, like i'm gonna tell on him!

I love Aidan's snuggles, I love when he climbs up in my lap, when someone else isnt hoggin' it.... and he nestles his head under my chin and holds my hand, these moments become more infrequent as he gets older, but that's what makes them even more special.. boys are a ball of energy, and boys are a noise with dirt on them, AMEN!!

I love how crazy excited he gets when I sit down to read him; "GUESS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!" or "I LOVE YOU THROUGH AND THROUGH". He's always loved those two books and the book with the three bears with them wondering who do you love most.. but since Maive has been born, reading time is all broken up, and our schedule of the former 2+ years is out the window for now. So now, when the time comes, he is even more completley elated. His eyes are big, he's got that overjoyed teethy Aidan grin, and he bounces up and down on his hiney in seated postition at his favortie points, and i loose my voice as I read it "again" ( yes he does say that ) haleighlujah! and i do the low "Groverish" silly manly voice for Big Nutbrown hair's voice.

Aiva and Aiva both laugh that same when I do that part, and it happens over and over..

it's sooo awesome!

Well, those are just a few things I wanted to share about him, and hopefully now i can go crawl in my cover once more and be blessed with some more sleep, i dont want to be a grumpy bear mommy in the morning, and morning is coming soon, and so is Maives next feeding! Love to all, and I hope your heart smiled!

~Julie Gendron


to be loved you have to give love.
if i love others they'll love me back
treat others how you would like to be treated..
well, the realism of my adult hood i've come to realize is as of
year ago or so, give love and they keep taking
loving others sucks you dry
treating people how you want to be treated just leaves you hanging.
I realize that in the Christian walk, we just give give give and love unconditionally and
we are not supposed to expect anything back..
but im selfish
and i feel bone dry
lonley, and full of regrets
and on the other hand i know its just maybe some baby blues a little late.
but all i can dream of, is me and Maive, on a desserted island, in our little toga thingys all cute,
sippin coconut milk and other pretty drinks with umbrellas and such.. and nobody else, just me and my shmooopie snuggling in a white hammock, sunlight and leaf shadows dancing over our faces.
I feel like she is the only thing in this world that makes me feel anything. I feel so loved by her
and i adore how we just connect, eye to eye, heart to heart, she's so tender and just nestles in to you. I dont want this time to end, ever.. i wish it'd go on and on... just me and her, and her tinyness.. babies grow to fast.
I'm tired I guess, weepy, nostaligic..
im selfish
and american...


i think that went over my head.. again..

I've been sleeping great and all..
but still finding that i feel as if me brain is hanging off my ear lobe.
Momnesia in it's fullest.
I'm having the most difficult time understanding people latley.
Not like there talking to fast, or with a stutter or lisp understanding, but like i guess, i dont know..
More like the words in their sentences are like scrambled somewhat, and while they continue on explaining themselves or the story I'm thinking wait a minute what? But I hate asking people to repeat themselves again.
Just take note to yourself, dont "hint to me" things, dont play the read between the lines, hope I catch your drift game. If you have something to say don't hold back, just say it, dont waste my time making things poetic either please?
Otherwise you'll hang up with me angry that I'm clueless and is she that "blonde"? And i'll find myself 3 months down the road in the shower all of a sudden thinking of that conversation and realizing what the true intention, or meaning it was you were trying to get across to me was and i was jsut listening to the words coming out of your mouth, not the real thing you were wanting to say. Communication, why is it so hard?
and why do some select peoples, have no problem doing so, but thrive on it so negativley..
That's all I have to say.
I'm feeling a bit hurt, but just wanted you all to know, those of you who read that is, to just be straight up with me, if theres something you want me to know, tell me.. okay... life's short.
in the meantime.. .... .... i need to make some new friends..