"I'll be your mommy.... mommy"

SO today, I woke up feeling great and then, BAM! 10:40am instant migraine! What is up with thaat!?!
Afternoon came and I was all tired and weepy and lonely.
I try not to cry, and held off, but the tears came.
I found myself wishing I had a mom to talk to, like "MY MOM" but I dont. I have a mom, but for the 25 years of my life. She didnt, and has not wanted to be my mom.
Growing up, she told me so, hence my " burden on others " complex.
I wish things were different, and that she hugged me and kissed me, and looked me in the eyes and called me her daughter. BUT that didnt happen.. slowly I'm becoming OK with this. it still hurts like whoa! BUT I'm learning to heal it, and to look to the bible, truth, and that although I didnt have an earthly, loving mother. Someday, all that rejection will be wiped away. I have to stay focused on the fact I am a mother.
I have three beauties that were not supposed to be here. BUT they are. I love loving on them. I love that they love on me. I love that, when I hid in the laundry room. My 4 yr old little mama found me and asked me what was wrong.
She knelt down so concerned and put her small arm around me. I said sobbing, sometimes mommy, really wish she had a mommy. there was a long pause, hot tears pouring down my cheaks. She hugged me and said. " i'll be your mommy, mommy. "
she kissed my cheak and told me she'd get a tissue because I got her slimy. She came back, I smiled and we held each other on the laundry room floor. Until Scoots found us with her mischevious grin and wrinkled nose... she toddled toward us and in a babyish kind of way body slammed us into a Gendron girly pile. The rest of the afternoon, Aiva and I spent playing store with some of our favorite things. Alot more fun came, and I took some pictures but I'll leave you with this. I love it. My angel.

Thank you Aiva for bringing me such a love, so much more than what I longed for for many many years. Thank you for loving mommy, for giving me my worth, for changing so many times hearing " your worthless, i hate you " and snuffing them out with. "I love you my mommy, yer'da bestest mommy ever!"

and on another note. neglection? yikes
i was tickling scoots tonight, we were competing on who can basically spit the most while making fart noises "PFFT!" well, she went from a giggle to a loud belly laugh and when she did, I noticed not just one molar, but three! THREE! When did she get three. That's it, bring on the steak! yes i do brush her teeth!


my heart.. overflows.

This week I've realized my heart is for baby & young child photography.
I just love the way the pics always come out so sweet and heavenly.
New parents just glow with love, and photographing them is so easy because they just snuggle and love the baby, and its natural and genuine. They just look at their little darlin' and vwah-la.. it's amazing. I adore it! It's intimate and just soo precious and this time is way to fleeting! I hope you agree! Young children are a little more challenging because as they find their feet underneath them, they don't stop moooving! So much to see, do, touch and experience! I love it all!

The "B" Family!

This wasnt so much a shoot, more like hanging out on a beautiful afternoon after church with friends. The sun was bright, the air was warm and didnt seem like it should be mid April. But we like!!! Jason is heading to NC, so we got some pictures of the fam before he is on his way! * I learned why photographers like cloudy days * I love beautiful sunny days, but one minute a cloud is covering the sun and the next it's bright and sunny again, it was good practice now that I'm shooting Manually, metering, and such...There was no shade because the leaves have not popped yet. Thanks so much for a fun time B family! and yummy brownies and ice cream.. gaaaaaaah...





I got blogged!

wow! I got blogged! http://tracyjoy.com/blog/
This lady made my day!
and apparently I made hers as well!
Isnt life sweet like that???
Happy sunny Monday!

Thanks Tracy *JOY*

Sunday was pretty!

Yes. It was!
First off we all got 9 hours of sleep!
Woke up to the sun shining brightly in our bedroom, usually we wake up before it rises over the hill. My husband whispering for me to " Juuuullliee.. huuuunneeeey.. JULIE!" "Look!"
He got me a spiffy, TracyJoy Camera bag & because I am butterfingers and NO, I will not admit how many times I've dropped my camera ( and it hasnt broke! ) woohoo CANON! He also suprised me with a My Funky Camera wrist strap!
IT was a sweet sunday morning. After church I headed up north and did a photo shoot for a family in which the brother is moving to South Carolina! It was hot for April 26!
I got to use my Tracy Joy bag yesterday! It's perfect. It's better than the pictures on her page. It holds all my gear, camera body, three lenses ( and more room for 3-4 more ) my flash, diffuser, keys, agenda, and everything is protected by the pockets they go in, plus the soft lining. I just love it so much! It was light, colorful & fun. We did our photo shoot at the park and alot of people commented on it, and a couple of mom's wanted it for a diaper bag! I am so suprised and happy Shawn got these for me. He knows our rural carrier ( my husband's a mailman, if you didnt know ) and everything was a surprise!
Thank you my mail man *my husband*! What a lovely day. More pics to follow later!

This Tracy Joy Camera Bag is the Kristine in Brown, Patti Paisley Pink

My Funky Camera wrist strap!

Shawn was unaware of the spring sale, and I was too, so it was a SHWEET surpise to get a second flap FREE! I checked and this is only going on until april 30th for the brown bags! Hurry!

and my darling little red! so cute surrounded in GOD's light! can you guess what she's eating??


A day in the life of me-me-meeee!

Thursday and Sundays are cleaning days here.
Today, the house is still clean from Sunday. I can still slide across these floors like i'm ice skating and not get stuck in a sticky patch. {{these kids are super at somehow getting this house stickified all over, in record time.}}
Bible Study starts back up tonight! sweet!
I am so happy that it's spring!
I'm not going to write alot. BUT i will post lots of pictures of Shpringy-ness and my lovelies!

5:30am I'm standing @ the sink filling up the coffee pitcher wondering if it's going to be a washout. " drip-drip DROP, little april showers..."

The day ended up being a BE-AHHH-UTY!

I rewarded myself after surviving Wegman's for 80 minutes with these three kids.
NO they weren't bad. they were awesome and we had alot of fun actually.. no hitting " i want-ing" or loudness.. for 80 minutes.. yeah that's right! I just wanted to buy these two favorites for myself.. is that so bad?

We went and found Shawn on his mail route, surprised him with lunch and joined some fun at the park!
How nice it must be for my baby girl to wake up from her siesta to see her handsome daddy smiling at her, mid sandwich!

You have to click on this image and make it bigger. I love the second picture, the look on his face makes me laugh! LOVE IT!

Aiv's drives me nuts with her changing clothes all the time, and her obsession with outfits.. where does she get this from?? Maybe I should embrace it? Not so much though, when it's making me late to get Aidan into school! Or when she starts school 5 months from now!
There are some days when Aidan does get tired.. No he's not in time out, nor did i place him there.. he just took a breather.. doesnt he look so sad.. he wasnt. I asked him "Aidan are you alrright?" he jumped up, giggle and happy ran to me saying "Yes mum!"

Our Le petite Artiste is always drawing me pictures. I love this one of " you and daddy holding hands under a rainbow." well not quite but I smiled and hugged her. I love my fat hand with my rings on it, and that Aiva recognized daddy's manly arm hair. NOTE: MY husband is not a hairy gross hairy man. I love how little people notice the little things!
Aidan is taking up some art too! NOTICE A & I he's getting there on writing his name..

I love this soap.. oh it smells so good and leaves your hands smelling so beautiful. AND can you guess what we had for dinner?

my little monkey mama..
green thumbs? scratch that... brown thumbs!

the one on the right I adore, it's blurry but you see, my little man was coming in for a landing on my KISSER! He is so generous with kisses for mommy!

Now playing: Sleepy Rebels - Forever And A Day
via FoxyTunes