The kids were bummed. I was bummed. I think Sadie was bummed.
The kids were hyper though, i had a headache, and Sadie.. no she wasnt bummed.
She just wanted to be played with.
I woke up with a headache, vision blurry, feeling constipated as usual, and just wanting so baaad to stuff myself back under the covers.
then the sink plugged up, and for 45 mins i plunged that sucker...
eww gross.. yeah.. plunging the sink felt like I was trying to go into preterm labor.
finally got it un plugged but not before the full sink emptied out..
I glanced out to see the dog playing tug of war with the christmas lights on the bushes ( nother waste of money ) and maive meandered in with a stench to inform me she didnt make in the toilet..
joy..
Then because we're out of oatmeal and cereal and eggs i decided to make pancakes for the kids, and hopefully get in a better mood..
but today.. today..
i keep dropping things, i'm hunched over, and i just feel so zapped.. thus this happened.
try 1.
try 2.
I then gave up and gave them a plate full of apple sauce, fishy crackers, and mixed nuts.. and OJ. -- hey we had a two hour delay so they would be eating their lunch in 90 mins anyhooo..
by then. i was starting to have those thoughts creep in..
the ones that get me when i feel really exhausted and alone.
Like: "How am I going to do this in 11 weeks?"
How can I take care of a newborn again, how can i take care of Aiva, and Aidan and Maive-ah-saurus, care for Shawn and make sure Sadie isnt getting jipped.. keep this house organized, clean, neat and tidy..
how can i wake up at night every 2-3 hrs?
I started to cry and hid in the laundry room to compose myself.
This is exactly what i dont want to happen this year.
I dont want to be a baby. I want to be tough, energetic, i want to conquer life with a smile. i dont want to get down and depressed..
I dont want to have cry fests, and I am sick of this feeling of aloneness, that nobody knows I'm here but the " I want chalk-it milk! " people.
I went out and shoveled and the fresh air and excersize made me feel better.
I cooled down and told myself this is going to be a great day. It's my day and I can determine how it goes.. it's all in my hands.
then the plow came right when i got done.. figures..
but i came in and here I am. I will conquer the kitchen, the laundry and the white carpet. i will love my little almost three year old stubborn rebel fart nugget, Maive..
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and maybe maybe maybe take a nap. Yawn.. :)
Let's do this!!
She gave me quite the jolt "Ouch" while trying to snap a quick one..
6 comments:
Feeling a bit like this myself today. But I know it is just the enemy whispering lies to us. We can not do it in our own strength, though. That is for sure! Hoping your day turns out really delightful!
I wish teleportation was real (someone should get on that) so I could "beam" over to help you out! But I will keep lifting you up to the throne :) Love you, Beautiful-Big-Bellied-Sista-Mama!
awww.. :)
feeling the "wub"..
um, and i like
Beautiful Big bellied sista mama.. made me smile/laugh/gulp/choke on my "chalk-it" milk! :)
enemy knows how to knock me good. this year, i want to know how to knock him back good-err.
Not sure how I found your blog, but I felt the need to comment to you today. I am in the same boat emotionally as you. Things just dont go right and you try to keep on top of things and it just gets worse and worse, I know the feeling. I have two boys 22 months apart and the older one has Autism. It is a constant struggle, but when I will myself to have a good day it always seems to happen. Hopefully you were able to put on a happy face and geed rid of some of the bad stuff.
I'll be praying for you out here in Oklahoma! :)
I love you Julie, and the way you describe real life. Everyone needs to know from reading this that you are more of a trooper than anyone will ever see. No need to be tougher, you already are, and to let things get to you is human. To cry when you feel bad is better than nothing at all. You lived that day so tell the next bad day that it will be no match for you.
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