here's a gold star for you mommy, you did a great job being a mom today!

"For real Aiva, awww you so rock!"
I totally woke up with the grumps this morning, no clue why but I DID not feel right, but i took imitrex and my day ended up being phenominal.
Also, here's some mommy tips: My kids listen to me better when i talk like MRS. Butterworth
It spices the mothering sometimes mundane days a little when you pretend to have a british accent my personal fave.. i feel sophisticated when i do this, my kids fave are when I do Mater from the movie cars. I found myself doing a first on sunday, i was totally aussie.. and no, i havent watched Australia either!
I love life, " I have all my life to live, all my love to give! " -survive, by cake. ( thanks sara! )
I went to bed at 9, and guess what ( blogged this a long time ago ) But I still smile, not knowing because most of the time fluff the pillow and lie back staring up at the dimpled ceiling. tonight I kissed the little ones, said good bye, night night love you our usual 4-5 times "Walton's" style and laid my head down on my side. then it came.. that smile.. i only know im doing it when i lay down on my side because when it happens it makes a sweet noise, my cheek puffing out against the pillow.. then
my brain.. it started.
doing that goldfish thing it does ( for you Mary! )
Started listening to my eyelashes blink against the fabric of the pillow, i started thinking of my childhood a little bit, and im not sad at all, but one repetative thing i think about and i cant put into words is this:
when i think of my childhood, i see this little girl, experiencing rough, hard things, and i want to just reach out and love her.. hug her hold her rock her kiss her and be her mommy.. I see this like its a rerun on tv, but then i stop and think, no that's me, im remembering me, but seeing me like, as if it isnt me and it's somebody else. It's just weird to have two of me in a same image young and now hugging the same person? I KNOW I MAKE NO SENSE it makes my brain put its breaks on and switch to another thought.
by the way, you know Minority report, where Tom Cruise, or forget watch this for a minute and then come back:

OK that's so my brain, minus the me using my hands and such, and my brains much faster, but yeah ive got like 4-5 things going on in my head all at the same time, all the time.. is that normal? is it a woman thing? please tell me if it is..
so my brain goes to another thing. The past few nights as i come up the stairs, we have a window at the top and the stars have been so bright and lovely. Aiva and i look at them before bed, and yes she's started asking me those typical 4 year old why questions.
I turn over and look out the window thinking about our universe.
You know how it goes.. HOW huge the universe is, how large our galaxy is, floating around with all the other galaxies. The size of the sun in comparison to the earth, how small we are in the grand scheme of it all, how many of us are breathing on this planet right now, and how many people who have gone before us and that whole scripture about sparrows, and God knowing the numbers of hairs in our nose, i mean head...... thinking about when i was writing earlier today and the sun was shining in brightly. I stopped and looked up in thought, and this lone dust particle was making it's way through the sunbeams. slowly floating, .. i returned that moment to my thoughts of how small we are, and how small that dust particle is, and then show small our cells are, atoms, protons, neutrons, electrons... and then, just how big our creator is! LIke wow big, like bigger than the universe! like starwars, the force is with you and in all things, GOd is my force.. the scale of it.. makes my brain put on its breaks again and I sit up and shake my head as if it's a rattle and something is going to fall out of my ear.. ALSO, PLEASE WATCH THIS: http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=2721331 I THINK THIS IS AMAZING! please watch it after the commercial i know you will think its neat! and if you don't believe in an intelligent creator {GOD} can you really believe that all this just happened, that our cells and the proteins and things in just came about and do there job, just cuz?
OK SO I and i get up to come down stairs and right this to you, knowing that if i do, ill hit publish post and head back to bed and smile again, totally not purposley, like ive said before it just happens, ive even had a few nights where i thought of it before hand and tried not to, and i still did.. for the most part it's an unconscous thing. I tip toed down the stairs, creaking along the way, my shoulders cringing and kissing my lobes, and i find my goldfish brain trailing back to that happy little dust particle illuminated and dancing it's way through the sun beams earlier this afternoon. I wonder if after it disspeared it if found it's way to me as i was writing and inhaling peacefully. did it attach it self to a nose folical.." nose hairs! " nice.. and i find myself recalling sneezing a few times.. it must have! 'o) Good night people, be amused.. and thankful youdont have my brain, or imitrex releasing it's second life in your system. Definatley weird dreams in store for tonight!

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